I’m just saying, don’t laugh. Seriously. Internet words are no joke.
So, yeah, we might’ve snagged trailer number two finally. Spent months moon-gazing, thinking about it endlessly like some weird ritual. And Nintendo’s sweating bullets over it. We got this ocean of screenshots and character bios, ready to poke at like a detective figuring out some clue in GTA. But guys, it’s like, is it ever really enough? Nah, not when GTA 6 is chillin’ until May 2026.
From my imaginary hideout on Mount Chiliad, I’ll pick through every little nugget they toss our way. Like Niko with Vlad, but figuratively (obviously). I’m on the hunt for hints about when we’ll see trailer three. Someone’s gotta do it.
People say we probably won’t get another trailer – two’s plenty, right? But no. Come on. It’s the biggest game launch since gaming was a thing. And hey, GTA loves its trios – three protagonists, three DLCs, you name it.
So, I cue up the second trailer, like, again (lost count now). Rockstar kicks it off with a joke, like leaks are something we can all laugh about, ha. It shows they’re in on it, that Rockstar vibe.
There’s this raccoon nosing around a trash bin, and for some reason, I start thinking about raccoon mating seasons. It’s a thing? Anyway, late January to mid-March – what if that’s when trailer three’s brewing? Maybe it’s just a reach, but who knows.
Then we get to Jason Duval. Shirtless and shiny, he’s got me focusing on all the wrong things. I was counting hairs on his chest and lost track. Really was just trying to find meaning in his glorious nip size. Ugh, why is he so distracting?
Jason’s driving, doing his usual. A cash register flashes a number – upside down. Rockstar, you cheeky devils, you know me well. I call the number, but eh, no dice. Maybe redirecting my funds to multiple GTA+ subs wasn’t the best call.
Math time. 3 + 5 is eight. 5 x 3 is 15. 1 + 4 + 5 is 10. Adds up to 25. Whoa. 2025. Then comes the number eight. Maybe it means August? Why not run with it? Trailer three in August 2025 is wild but plausible.
August 8, the moon’s in a Waxing Gibbous phase. I mean, I might be losing it, but hasn’t that pointed us before?
Somewhere in the chaos, there’s a freeway sign about an exit three to some Southside place. Exit three, trailer three? Maybe Rockstar’s showing off. Or it’s just to mess with us? I’m in deep now, tracking all these hints.
There’s a shop sign about a “new billionaire every week.” Weekly GTA 6 tidbits until the next May? Nah, we’d combust from overload. Still funny how GTA throws around things like it’s candy.
Lucia Caminos shows up. The Pointer Sisters’ “Hot Together” kicks off in my head. Released October ‘86, and Spaceballs used it. June 24th for something maybe? Nah, scratch that, too wild.
Focusing is hard. Lucia’s got this sway going on, and I’m like, okay, three times? Surely that means something. Jason drops a line, “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.” Meaning trailer three?
In the background, those threes keep up. Bae-Luxe says ‘brrraapp’ with style – like some code. People shouting “Vice City, baby.” A dude air-humps for connections. Could he want trailer three too?
I drop everything, dig into the site. Try to spot anything – the math doesn’t quite fit my theory, so out it goes.
Cal Hampton, snooping and chilling. Three letters, tons of trio hints sneaked into his bio.
“What if everything online, like, was actually real?” What a trip.
Anyway, where was I?
